Software Engineer with his wife

See if anyone can relate to this:

Husband – Hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife – Would you like to have some snacks?
Husband – Hard disk full.

Wife – Have you brought my dress.
Husband – Bad command or file name.

Wife – But I told you about it in morning
Husband – Erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife – Oh God! Forget it where’s your salary.
Husband – File in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife – At least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband – Sharing violation, access denied.

Wife – I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband – Data type mismatch.

Wife – You are useless.
Husband – By default.

Wife – Who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband – System unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife – What is the relation between you and your Receptionist?
Husband – The only user with write permission.

Wife – What is my value in your life?
Husband – Unknown virus detected.

Wife – Do you love me or your computer?
Husband – Too many parameters..

Wife – I will go to my dad’s house.
Husband – Program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife – I will leave you forever.
Husband – close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife – It is worthless talking to you.
Husband – shut down the computer.

Wife – I am going
Husband – Its now safe to turn off your computer.

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KKR – lessons learnt

Indian Premier League ended last week with Deccan Chargers being the worthy winner this year. Things turned out well for the Chargers this time but not so for the much hyped Kolkata Knight Riders. They were bogged with controversy right before the tournament started and later had a serious pain in the neck in the form of fake IPL blogger. Having said that there is always hope of bouncing back in cricket and especially in T20. Infact in IPL in both the seasons the winner was an underdog or previous year’s worst performer – which happens to be Kolkata this year. May be an analysis of the previous two editions of IPL may help formulate a better team and an effective strategy for the next year. Here it goes:
  • Get a strong captain and a coach both Australians as was done by Rajasthan Royals (Shane Warne/ Shane Warne) in 2008 and Deccan Chargers (Adam Gilchrist / Darren Lehmann) in 2009. Retaining John Buchanan may prove out to be a wise option and if availability of Ricky Ponting is certain then I guess he can be the best available choice to lead the team.
  • Get a good left arm fast/medium fast bowler who can go out there and take wickets (read purple cap) as was done by Sohail Tanvir and R.P Singh.
  • Change the team kit and introduce heavy purple color in it – it worked for Deccan this year

War on Terror – Project Management perspective

Everyday we see a number of analysts, politicans, journalists, etc presenting their views on the war on terror and its implication. Here I present my analysis on the subject from an angle that I can very easily relate to:

Client: USA
Contract: Economic aid, military aid, $$$
Development Methodology: Outsourced, iterative development
Project: War on Terror
Business Development Manager: Mr. Asif Zardari
Project Manager: General Ashfaq Parvez Kayani
Analysis Team: Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI)
Development Team: Pakistan Army, Frontier Corps
Development Environment: Federally Administered Tribal Areas
Development Tools: Guns, tanks, artillery, etc
Third Party Support: Drone attacks, CIA intelligence, etc
Quality Assurance: Media, NGOs, journalists, etc
Recent Client Meeting: Asif Zardari’s visit to US from May 5 to May 8, 2009
Recent Published Release: Operation in Swat
Recent Milestone: US approval of additional $1.9 billion in aid to Pakistan

Citi Moment of Success

“Citi Moment of Success” – no its not something for the Citigroup to cheer about as they have hardly had any success in the past 6 months or so. Instead it is a phrase commonly uttered by cricket commentators during the ongoing IPL matches. Its an addition to Modi’s money making arsenal and interestingly works alongside previous season’s “DLF Maximum.” But what exactly is this moment of success –  any ideas??? I have heard commentators using this phrase for each and every aspect of the game where they believe that the player has achieved something be it a maiden over, a boundary, a six, a good catch and sometimes even for a dot ball. Doesn’t this conflict with the “DLF Maximum” if used for a six or would it be a termed as a “DLF maximum that brought a Citi moment of success”. Seems like the commentators are confused enought to have an idea of when to use it specifically so they are using it for every small bit of play. One more question – is the “moment of success” additive in nature meaning if team A has more “successes” than team B, the team A has to be the winner of the game? I guess NOT. How about having “Moment Of Failure” for the losing team. I guess Citi should be an ideal sponsor for moment of failure than for moment of success. Keep your fingers crossed because soon you may have sponsors for wides, no-balls, free hit, etc.

IPL 2009 vs IPL 2008

Finally the second edition of the Indian Premier League kicked off this week in South Africa. But the second season has so far proved to be some what different from its debut season. Here is what I have observed so far:

  • A domestic tournament in a foreign land with no objection from the participating teams.
  • Rain affected matches (3 out of 7 so far) – Kings XI Punjab has suffered the most due to the weather.
  • Tactical time out – an official ad break during the match.
  • No Pakistani players even after the tournament was shifted to South Africa.
  • Four of the teams (Deccan Chargers, Kolkata Knightriders, Rajasthan Royals and Royal Challengers Bangalore) being led by non-Indian cricketers as compared to only a single team last year.
  • Lalit Modi is now seen as a marketing guru.
  • Team Kits are now full of advertisments
    • Chennai Super Kings – Coromandel King, Aircel, Coromandel Infotech, Reebok, Peter England, Nivea For Men, 7Up, Sonata, Cloud 9, Big Bazaar
    • Deccan Chargers – Deccan Chronicle, Odyssey, Puma, Kingfisher, McDowell’s, Big 92.7FM, Wrigley’s Orbit
    • Delhi Daredevils – Hero Honda, Kingfisher Airlines, Royal Challenge, Coca-Cola, Adidas, Fever 104FM, Wrigley’s Orbit
    • Kolkata Knight Riders – Nokia, Star Plus, Sprite, Reebok, TagHeuer, Belmonte, Gitanjali, Wrigley’s Orbit, BILT, Planet M
    • Kings XI Punjab – Emirates, Gulf Oil India, 7up, Netlinkblue, Reebok, Spring Box International, Royal Challenge, Dabur Glucose-D, Wrigley’s Orbit, Typhoo
    • Mumbai Indians – MasterCard, Royal Stag, Kingfisher, Pepsi, Adidas
    • Rajasthan Royals – Kingfisher, Boost, Puma
    • Royal Challengers Bangalore – Royal Challenge, Reebok

Feel free to add to this list.

Dream start or what

Jenson Button

Now this is what you call a DREAM START – not only for the 2009 F1 season but also for Brawn-Mercedes who put up a remarkable show at the Australian Grand Pix by grabbing the top two spot and taking home the maximum number of points (i.e. 18) on the offer and that too in their very first race. And trust me this is not a common site – the last time it happened was in 1954 at the French Grand Prix when Mercedes-Benz was the all out winner. Apart from the dream start that the team enjoyed, it was kind of a comeback for the two drivers – Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello. For Button, it was the second win of his career after nearly three years and for Barrichello the race showed some glimpse of his career at Ferrari where he was more often than not at the second spot. Prior to this, both the drivers had a diffcult time with the Honda team and their future was under severe doubt when the Honda team had decided to pull out of Formula 1 due to the recession hit. But thanks to the last minute takeover deal, the team and the drivers are now part of the 2009 season and rearing to go. Lets see whats on the offer.

Formula 1 kicks in

The 2009 Formula One season finally starts this week with the Australian Grand Prix in Melbourne. With 10 teams and 20 drivers and a number of changes to both the sporting and technical regulations aimed at providing more overtaking opportunities, the season promises to be an exciting one for the audience and the fans. 2009 season will come up with new challenges both for the drivers and the teams because of the new regulations that are being enforced. According to FIA, the new Sporting Regulations are aimed to enforce increased reliability and further cost reductions while the technical changes serve three main objectives – reducing the role of aerodynamics in the cars’ performance; making overtaking easier; and keeping lap times in check.

We may be in for a new champion car and driver this season. The first qualifying session of the season already showed some signs by providing a dream start to the Brawn-Mercedes as it took the top 2 pole position with Jenson Button having his first pole position in three years

Zardari at 5th position

Yet another recognition for the president of Pakistan, Mr Asif Ali Zardari. In the latest issue of the Foreign Policy magazine, a list of world’s top 13 losers is published and thanks to his ever growing “popularity”, Zardari is well positioned at the fifth spot. Here is how the magazine recognized his contributions:

Zardari was known to be a bad guy long before he became Pakistan’s president. Many of the closest friends of his late wife, Benazir Bhutto, could not stand him. Now, as it turns out, neither can most of the Pakistani people. Locked in a bitter struggle with opposition leader Nawaz Sharif, Zardari showed his weakness by capitulating to demands to reinstate Pakistan’s former Chief Justice per Sharif’s demands. Now in a desperate attempt to reassert control of his own party he may be plotting the ouster of his Prime Minister according to Indian press reports. He’s on the ropes, his opposition is gaining strength, and meanwhile fraught, dangerous, complex Pakistan is hardly being governed at all. 

Too bad, he missed out on the top spot 😦

Pakistan’s 30 questions for India

When Rehman Malik presented the findings of the investigation being carried out by Pakistan regarding the Mumbai attacks, he said to the reporters that around 30 questions have been sent to India and further investigation is tied to the prompt reply from the Indian Government.

Following are those thirty questions:

1. Authenticated copy of confessional statement of Ajmal Qasab recorded by the judicial authorities

2. National Identity Card number of Ajmal and other documentation/ diaries recovered from his possession.

3. Cell phone numbers used by Ajmal in the past, if disclosed during interrogation.

4. Detailed description and further particulars / maximum information of reportedly killed terrorists deposed by Ajmal during interrogation with Indian Police.

5. The digital note books/ diaries recovered from killed terrorists.

6. Authenticated copies of seizure memos of all the articles recovered from or belonging to accused terrorists along with their photographs.

7. Authentic forensic analysis reports of mobile / satellite phones and or any other evidence establishing connectivity and communication of the terrorists with militants based abroad along with identifying particulars.

8. Logs of cell phone interceptions.

9. Detailed transcripts of conversation amongst the terrorists during the terror activity from 26 to 28 Nov as well as with their handlers.

10. Cell-phone numbers targeted for transcripts immediately after the terror strike.

11. Intercepted voice recording identified by Ajmal Qasab as of Abu Hamza and Kahfa etc for voice analysis, as well as further details about alleged handlers ‘Abu Hamza’ and ‘Kahfa’.

12. Thuraya telephone forensic analysis including:

a) Numbers in stored memory.

b) Called numbers /log

c) SMS messages

d) Any other information

13. Forensic analysis of cell phones, recovered from the possession of accused including:

a) Dialled numbers

b) Missed and received calls.

c) Last location

d) Photographs / movies

e) Audio recording

f) IMEI no. & SIM IMSI no

g) Screen shots etc

14. Fingerprints of all the ten accused for comparison with available database.

15. Fingerprints lifted from recovered weapons, personal articles and navigation devices etc. of the accused required for comparison.

16. Clear photographs of the accused for identification and matching with the national database.

17. DNA profiles of all the terrorists arrested / killed.

18. Post mortem reports of all the killed terrorists.

19. Forensic analysis and photograph of engravings on Yamaha engine including the tampering of letters on the engine. Two letters are missing. Complete engine number must be provided.

20. Photographs of engravings on pistols /SMGs recovered from the accused for identification.

21. Confirmation as to whether the pistols used by the terrorists were 9 mm! The picture of pistol shows a TT 7.62 MM (30 Bore) and CAL-30 is clearly visible.

22. Headers of the email received from deccanmujahideen@gmail.com claiming responsibility and clarification as to which specific media received the same.

23. Complete and date wise CCTV footage of all the incidents.

24. GPS data regarding travelling log, location to check log and coordinates, etc. for identifying the launching area. This is important because certain ambiguities have been noticed in the information already provided. For instance, if the terrorists started in a small boat from Karachi at approximately 0800 hours on 22nd Nov, then how come MOB waypoint is showing the boat’s position near Keti Bandar nearly one hour before this time? Out of 17 waypoints, only three have date stamps and remaining is without the same, creating doubt whether these points are authentic or created through GPS.

25. GPS operation is dependent on internal or external batteries, thus following points need elaboration:

a) If internal batteries were used, a large cache of batteries were required to keep them operative for more than six days.

b) If external batteries were used on boat then picture / evidence of the same should have been included in the list of items recovered from ‘Kuber’.

c) Picture labelled ‘Thuraya satellite phone found in Kuber’ is of GPS of Garmin Company as GPS navigation buttons, waypoint names on screen and company name are clearly visible.

26. Photograph identified by Ajmal as Zaki ur Rehman Lakhvi.

27. Relevant information pertaining to tailor / company marks, brand names as well as dry cleaning or laundry stamps on clothes seized.

28. Google earth does not carry details of security systems, various entries / exit points, inner details. Such like information requires extensive physical reconnaissance and establishment of control centre within targets. Further details are required.

29. Why did the terrorists not come to the notice of Gujrat and Maharashtra Governments after having travelled by sea in their territory including reported refuelling enroute? Besides, how did they manage to evade so many coastal radars?

30. Details of interrogation reports of Mukhtar Ahmed (Counter-insurgency Officer) and Tausif Rehman, both Indian nationals, arrested after Mumbai attacks on charge of providing SIMs to the terrorists.

Additional Information Required:

The eye witness account of Jugdev, the only survivor boarding the vehicle of ATS Chief Mr Hemant Karkare, accompanied by two other senior police officers in the same vehicle namely Mr Salasker and Mr Kamteis required to be examined by investigators in Pakistan. It is necessary as Mr Karkare was investigating the cases against militants in mass scale killings of Muslims in India including Lt Col Prasad Shrikant Purohit, reportedly involved in Samjhota Express incident.

Linkages between diamond merchant firm Surat, Gujrat and some Hindus in Pakistan need to be clarified as the diamond merchant was alleged to sponsor Malegoen blasts through Col Purohit.

Mergers in terrorism

One must have heard about mergers in business world where two or more corporations or businesses combine their operations in a strategic manner to attain their common business goal i.e. to earn profits. But how about mergers in terrorism as was announced today in Waziristan

Taliban leaders Baitullah Mehsud, Maulvi Nazir and Maulvi Hafiz Gul Bahadur have formally announced forming of a new group named Shura Ittehad-ul-Mujahideen. Shura Ittehad-ul-Mujahideen said in its announcement that it will follow Mula Muhammad Umer as its Amir-ul-Maumineen.